A Man's Journey Weblog

Will I ever get back to this blog?

2006-10-27T12:02:00.000-07:00

Anwer is: Dunno.

Seems that things get in the way. Interests change. Life changes. Other things take higher priority.

Thing is, when I have those reflective moments, sometimes I like to share them and/or my thoughts. I like the process of writing, putting words into place, forming those thoughts and writing them out. I like the physical action and activity of tapping out those thoughts on the keyboard and turning them into something coherent, understandable, something that maybe others can relate to.

It's been almost a year since I blogged here last. I haven't felt like I've had many of those reflective moments to share here. Maybe I'll come back around. One can hope.

What's my place in God's story?

2005-11-25T11:15:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been listening a lot to Steve Curtis Chapman's album "All Things New," which is full of songs that are thoughtful and have deep meaning.

This morning the song "Big Story" jumped out at me. The chorus goes like this:

This is the big story
There is a God who's in control
Telling the big story
And He wants us to know
We will find ourselves when we lose ourselves
In the bigger story
Come and take your place in the story

Have you found your place in God's story?

You see, the thing is, my life is not about me. As much as I'd like to think it is, as much as I've lived my life as if it's all about me, in reality, in the end, it's about God, not about me.

Because of my sinful nature, because I am human and not perfect, my natural way of living is to live to satisy my own wants and desires, to be centered on me.

Now wants and desires are not all bad. If I am truly connected to the Giver of Life, my Creator, my wants and desires will be in concert with God's wants and desires for my life -- I will be living for Him and not for myself.

However, if I am not in tune with God, if I have no connection to Him, then my wants and desires are more likely to be self-centered.

Satan works hard to trap and snare us into living for ourselves, to live selfishly. He tricks us into buying into society's messages to "be true" to myself, that "what's true for you isn't true for me," that "there are not absolutes," so I can "do my own thing."

Sure, the world has many "good" people who are apparently doing good for others and are not followers of Christ.

But the core issue is, am I living for Christ? Does how I live and what I do point to and glorify Christ?

If not, then I have not found my place in God's story.

Does that mean I have to live a perfect life? Absolutely not. There's no way that we imperfect humans can live perfect lives. In fact, because we are not perfect God can work through us to reach others. By showing how God has worked in my life, I can show others how God can work in theirs. What God wants from us is a relationship with Him so that we can understand our places in His story.

God wants you and me find our places in His story. He wants you and me to be a part of telling His story, what He has done in your life and my life, and what He can do in the lives of others. And by doing so we can touch others and open their hearts to coming to know Jesus.

More about learning your story: To Be Told: Know Your Story, Shape Your Future, by Dan B. Allender, Ph.D.

Time still flies

2005-11-07T18:08:00.000-08:00

Yes, I've done a dreadful job in the last month -- and more! -- in keeping up with this blog. I haven't been able to get back to this blog as I'd have liked to.

A lot has happened...

I turned 50...I've attended a small Christian men's conference...and attended a smalll Christian singles conference...both conferences here in the Portland area...just to name a couple or three things...

I hope to add some more in the next several days.

Time flies!

2005-10-04T23:57:00.000-07:00

Wow! It's obviously been a few weeks since I posted here last. Time flies!

Well, I'm back! I feel like I have a backlog of things I'd like to post here. So I'll add them as I'm able.

Real men don’t cry -- or do they?

2005-08-16T18:19:00.000-07:00

In today's American society we've too much bought into the myth that "real men don't cry." This myth has been part of our culture for far too long.

It starts with little boys who cry naturally. They're just being who they are. And what do we do? "Boys don't cry."

As a result many boys grow up, confused. They have feelings, but they're told they can't show or express them. If they do, they're sissies. The boy starts down the path to shutting down his emotions, his feelings.

As a result we men have buried our feelings. We deny to ourselves what comes naturally. We lose who we really are.

The Samurai openly cries

"Real men don't cry." Nothing could be further from the truth, as I see illustrated in the movie The Last Samurai

There's a scene near the end of the movie in which the samurai, Katsumoto (Ken Watanabe), proves that real men do cry, they do express their emotions.

In the story, US Army Captain Algren (Tom Cruise), a disillusioned civil war veteran, is recruited to train Japan's "modern" army. Japan's young emperor is easily swayed by unscrupulous businessmen, both Japanese and American, eager to line their pockets the modernization of Japan will bring. Standing in the way are the Samurai with their "antiquated" code of honor, who have sworn allegiance to the Emperor, but are seen by these devious men as impediments to progress.

In their first battle, Algren is taken captive to Katsumoto's mountain village where he learns through the winter months of the samurai's conviction for honor, truth and justice. Algren comes to admire the samurai. He and Watanabe become friends; Algren finds the man he once was, and comes to see through the greed propelling "progress."

When Watanabe returns to the Emperor's council, he is placed under house arrest. In a daring night rescue which Algren leads with several of Watanabe's samurai, Watanabe's teenage son is severely wounded and it becomes obvious that he cannot go on.

In this scene, Katsumoto, the warrior, the Samurai who leads all samurai, realizes that he will lose his son. The warrior, who at times appears stoic, for a few moments, holds his son and openly weeps – he cries.

This story of the samurai fascinates me. He is a man who knows his place in the world. He knows who he is. He is at once a man who is not afraid of the battle, and one who can openly grieve – unafraid to show his emotions – over the loss of his son.

He is a man who acknowledges his emotions. And they’re in balance. He is not ruled by them, nor are they out of control. They’re expressed appropriately.

In truth, most of us men today have lost our way. We’ve lost our sense of who we are and what to do with the emotions we still feel, if we can feel them at all.

I confess that I still have trouble with my feelings and emotions. For years I’ve buried mine and not allowed myself to discover my sensitive spirit. Often I have difficulty feeling emotion or identifying my feelings. One thing I’ve learned more recently in my life is that it’s OK to express feelings and emotion, even among other men.

ChristianityToday.com and MenofIntegrity.net offer a weekly email devotional guide called Men in the Word.

This week’s theme is “Buried Feelings: Real men don't try to hide them.”

Welcome

In his 2004 book, The World's Most Powerful Leadership Principle, James C. Hunter wrote about Mike Krzyzewski: "Duke University's men's basketball head coach for the past 24 years has amassed an amazing 601-176 record at Duke, the best college-basketball coaching record over the past two decades. Asked about his success, he talks about the influence of his wife and three daughters: 'Over the years, the girls have exposed me to an environment where they share their feelings, and I've tried to teach my players to do the same thing. I tell them it's not guys doing girl things; it's being a real person—to hug, to cry, to laugh, to share. If you create a culture where that's allowed, all of a sudden you have some depth.'"

This week is about that kind of depth.

Daily readings are as follows:

Sunday: Dug In
Monday: Poker Face
Tuesday: Three Unspoken Words
Wednesday: Shamefully Softhearted
Thursday: 'Nam Fallout
Friday: Ambushed
Saturday: Weekend Wrap-up

Start here.

Male & Female: noting the differences

2005-08-14T17:32:00.000-07:00

Here's noting the differences between men and women, male and female, the different ways we're wired. (See, even our language is different. "Wired" is more likely guy talk than girl talk.)

My 16-year-old daughter went to a Portland Beavers minor league baseball game a couple of evenings ago with one of her best girlfriends, the friend's father, and a couple who are friends of the father.

When I picked her up for the weekend (being a single dad, she's with me every other weekend) after the game, my first question almost was, "So, who won?"

But I caught myself. I realized that for her, the most important part of the evening wasn't who won, but did she have a good time with her friend? I knew it before I even asked the question. For her it's the relationship, spending the time with her friend, that's the most important.

That's a good illustration of a key difference in how men and women are wired.

My male competitiveness wants to know first off who won, not whether she had a good time with her friend.

I know that she's not even a baseball fan. So the draw for her was spending time with her friend...the relationship with her friend is what reaches to her core. Of course, she being a teen has something to do with it, too.

Becoming a man in today's world

2005-08-11T00:39:00.000-07:00

As you look at today's American culture and compare it with tribes in primitive cultures around the world, and think back 100, 150, 200 years in this country, you can see that we've lost the rites of passage that mark a young person's life path to adulthood.

This is especially evident among men today who don't know what it is to be a real man. Most men today are not comfortable in their own skin. They're unsure of their masculinity and their place in today's culture. (I'll admit that I've found myself grappling with this issue, too. Thus my interest.)

While the modern feminist movement has done much for women, it's practically destroyed men, I believe.

If you look around, you'll find a rising men's movement to reclaim that lost manhood and masculinity.

Today I heard a radio broadcast from the folks at HomeWord called Teaching Our Sons About Authentic Manhood.

Pastor and author Robert Lewis has developed a Christ-centered curriculum designed to help fathers teach their sons what it means to be a “real man.” Parenting and family expert Dr. Jim Burns talks with Robert Lewis on the subject of “Teaching Our Sons About Authentic Manhood.”

Robert Lewis is author of the book Raising a Modern Day Knight.

While the focus of this program is on rearing boys into manhood, fathers of daughters should not dismiss the subject. As fathers, we have the opportunity to model true, authentic manhood and masculinity to our daughters, and give them the model for the man she chooses to marry.

Lunchtime surprise is cause for pause

2005-07-23T10:23:00.000-07:00

It's so easy to get caught up in the busy-ness of life. We really need to take regular time to just stop and be quiet. Once in a while something happens to make me pause for a few minutes. Like this that happened a few days ago for me.

It's not every day that you get to see a great blue heron from 100 feet. Well, at least not for me.

I usually take my lunch outside the building and drive to a community garden and park in the shade of a huge tree. I enjoy the break from the work environment (I work inside four windowless walls at a well-known global high tech giant), just to let my mind wander, read a little, often catch a short nap, or occasionally write in my journal.

I found this setting last summer when I was searching for someplace more calm than the city park where a number of people took their lunch. I wanted to be away from the parking lot speeders and playground screams and shouts.

The roadside sign said "Wilsonville Community Garden," and being the curious sort that I am, I decided to see what it was. It's been my "secret" lunchtime site ever since.

Down a slight grade the road gently bends to the left, crosses a creek, and opens to a field bordered on three sides by tall evergreens, scrub brush and a mixture of deciduous trees. The creek meanders through tall grasses and shrubs.

Today as I was drifting between dozing and reading, my dozing was interrupted as the book fell off my steering and there just ahead of me about 100 feet was this great blue heron in the middle of the bend in the road.

For a full 10 minutes I just sat there and enjoyed the serenity of watching this majestic bird stand still and erect, then step slowly to one edge of the road, then stop and stand straight again, step slowly toward the other edge of the road.

Overhead a hawk floated on the thermals of the first really warm day in a couple of weeks, its shadow racing across the road and into the shubbery and trees, all the while calling and echoing to what must be its young family in the wood.

Wilsonville (Oregon) isn't a huge community, but it's high tech businesses (Xerox, InFocus, FLIR among them), burgeoning wine industry and rural appeal have attracted an affluent population and fueled its growth.

Living in suburbia I sometimes forget that wild animals still live among us; they've just learned to hide well. Earlier this week as I started up the curve of the road from my lunchtime shade tree, I was startled to see young buck -- two short points, large black nose -- emerging from the creekside shrubbery onto the road. Equally startled it hastily did a 180 and crashed back in the direction it had come.

Let's get on with this journey

2005-07-21T00:38:00.000-07:00

Some men claim to be not very complicated.

Some men are complicated. I've discovered that I'm more complicated than I thought I was. I've been learning how much what happened to me in my childhood has affected who and why I am what I am today, and how that's affecting the people I care for the most.

In this blog I'm sharing some things I've been discovering in my life's journey, and I invite you to share your discoveries in your life.

In the last couple of years -- due to certain people coming into my life, reading some important books, and I think reaching mid-life -- I've embarked on my journey to live a genuine, authentic life. I find that I don't usually do well at that. But I think part of the journey is to always strive to do so.